Wednesday, September 16, 2015

One month later...

I'm having a rough time.

All in all, it could be worse. Today is a rough day and probably clouding my spirits a lot.

First...the good news. The boobs look good. The blister that formed under my right breast healed up nicely. The drainage oozing out of the incision of my left breast (can't recall if I wrote about that and too lazy to go look, but it was fluorescent yellow and oddly coming from a teeny tiny spot for no apparent reason) ultimately stopped. The doctor said it was just "tissue fluid", and the coloring was similar to what you would see with bruising. The breasts are just beginning to drop a little, I've started doing scar massage with aloe and Bio Oil (alternately) to minimize the look of the scars, which sucks...and I need to do it more often but it takes a HUGE amount of time and energy.

Now the bad news...

I still have the drains. My body is not cooperating on the drains at all. Apparently (from ALL that I've read), it's pretty common in people who have lost a significant amount of weight. That doesn't make it much more tolerable.

I also had a complication at the tummy tuck t-junction that was not discovered till the surgical tape came off. The skin at the junction had died. Because it was not too deep and the doctor could see that the skin had declared its margins and was beginning the healing process, she opted to not debride the dead tissue till yesterday. Well...it's debrided now...and it is horrifying. I have a huge, gaping hole in my stomach. I've been told repeatedly "not to worry" and that "it will heal in time" and that it will "likely not be that much wider" than the original scar...but if you could see what I see...it's unreal. I've never seen anything this gross ever...in my whole life...in any movie or horrific internet photo or anything. And it's on me...and I have to clean it, and manage it...twice a day. I. Want. To. Die.  I truly don't see how something like this could ever possibly heal. I feel VERY hopeless right now.

This is the most common complication in this type of surgery...more common in diabetics (which I am not) and smokers (never have taken a single drag). I don't know why this happened. It just did.

I attempted to go back to work this week BEFORE the debridement (man I MISS that black scab so bad right now) and with the drains because I thought I could handle it. I probably could have but the debridement was WAY more than I could handle emotionally. Tonight I came home from work and did a dressing change and cried for an hour. I would just about give anything to be admitted to a hospital and let THEM deal with this at least until I can't see my insides anymore. 

I've gained 6000 pounds of fat...and like 10 of water...but mostly fat. I have a fill scheduled for next week...if they will do it with the giant hole in my gut. 

Also...our Poodle (Lily) died on Saturday. I've lost two fur-babies in 6 months. 




I'm going to go cry some more now. 



4 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie!!! I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I can only imagine the emotional upheaval you're experiencing. It will get better. You will heal, physically and emotionally. Hang in there. ((HUGS))

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  2. Your pup passing is probably a huge part of the general depression. I'm so so sorry. That is the hardest thing, losing a baby...even if it's a fur baby. You're in my thoughts, and things WILL get better.

    A good friend of mine had a similar complication over the summer where her nipples died and they could not remove them for 6 weeks or so... She sent me a picture and it was honestly very horrific, but now it looks fine, she just needs to have some tattooed nipples put back. Point being, it will heal!

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  3. Oh, honey. I am so sorry for your loss and for how crappy you're feeling and for the giant hole in your stomach.

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  4. Well shit. I have decided to not sugar coat it because hell if I know if it's going to get better...but I have to believe...it's going to get better. If I were in your shoes, or in your drains (it's too early for jokes I know), I would probably be dying a little right now as well, and questioning WHY I DID THIS TO MYSELF...but you have to trust the doc when he says it's going to heal up. That's all you can do. And it could be worse. You could be Hollee's friend whose damn nipples died! I SO feared that after my surgery. Patience is a hard thing to have when the healing process will most likely be slow...but it WILL be healing. I am sorry to hear about your pup though. I won't joke about that. I wish our fur babies lived as long with us and just went when we did. It's the one thing I hate about having pets...knowing that I will have to let them go someday. We are hear for you...your cyber friends. Keep blogging and getting it out.

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