Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I gotta re-start somewhere...(and I can't believe I'm posting this...)

WARNING: Down below you will find some pictures that are in fact nude...and some show my wound filled in/packed with gauze. The wound in this image is not scary but I am posting this warning up front. If you do not want to see these photos, please only scroll to the part of the blog that has photos of my adorable dogs...and then STOP. Do not go any further! 

I believe this is fair warning!



Wednesday, September 16, 2015

One month later...

I'm having a rough time.

All in all, it could be worse. Today is a rough day and probably clouding my spirits a lot.

First...the good news. The boobs look good. The blister that formed under my right breast healed up nicely. The drainage oozing out of the incision of my left breast (can't recall if I wrote about that and too lazy to go look, but it was fluorescent yellow and oddly coming from a teeny tiny spot for no apparent reason) ultimately stopped. The doctor said it was just "tissue fluid", and the coloring was similar to what you would see with bruising. The breasts are just beginning to drop a little, I've started doing scar massage with aloe and Bio Oil (alternately) to minimize the look of the scars, which sucks...and I need to do it more often but it takes a HUGE amount of time and energy.

Now the bad news...

I still have the drains. My body is not cooperating on the drains at all. Apparently (from ALL that I've read), it's pretty common in people who have lost a significant amount of weight. That doesn't make it much more tolerable.

I also had a complication at the tummy tuck t-junction that was not discovered till the surgical tape came off. The skin at the junction had died. Because it was not too deep and the doctor could see that the skin had declared its margins and was beginning the healing process, she opted to not debride the dead tissue till yesterday. Well...it's debrided now...and it is horrifying. I have a huge, gaping hole in my stomach. I've been told repeatedly "not to worry" and that "it will heal in time" and that it will "likely not be that much wider" than the original scar...but if you could see what I see...it's unreal. I've never seen anything this gross ever...in my whole life...in any movie or horrific internet photo or anything. And it's on me...and I have to clean it, and manage it...twice a day. I. Want. To. Die.  I truly don't see how something like this could ever possibly heal. I feel VERY hopeless right now.

This is the most common complication in this type of surgery...more common in diabetics (which I am not) and smokers (never have taken a single drag). I don't know why this happened. It just did.

I attempted to go back to work this week BEFORE the debridement (man I MISS that black scab so bad right now) and with the drains because I thought I could handle it. I probably could have but the debridement was WAY more than I could handle emotionally. Tonight I came home from work and did a dressing change and cried for an hour. I would just about give anything to be admitted to a hospital and let THEM deal with this at least until I can't see my insides anymore. 

I've gained 6000 pounds of fat...and like 10 of water...but mostly fat. I have a fill scheduled for next week...if they will do it with the giant hole in my gut. 

Also...our Poodle (Lily) died on Saturday. I've lost two fur-babies in 6 months. 




I'm going to go cry some more now.