Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Holy Crap! I forgot to celebrate my 4th bandiversary!

Well hell...looking back at my December posts, it seems like I forget my bandiversary EVERY year...

But...this is a shame. Because December 23rd every year marks a pretty important milestone for me. I have been UNDER 200 lbs every December 23rd since my first bandiversary. That is a big deal! Yes, I'm not at goal...but at least I a have maintained the majority of my weight loss for several years now. I should be very proud of that.

That 200 lb mark was so elusive for so long...

Now goal continues to be elusive...but that is on me to fix.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

As this year comes to an end

I will post a blog soon...I swear.

Here are the major points:

  • Holiday SUGAR eating was out of control.
  • I'm doing Medifast for a month to regain some control.
  • I received some cool fitness gadgets for Christmas. A wifi scale and a Garmin fitness tracker.
  • As a result of said gadgetry I'm switching over to MyFitnessPal from SparkPeople.
  • I just registered for my first ever 5k...which I will walk...with two crutches. But still...March 15!
  • Current band fill level is good...if I eat the right food. But we all know...slides right on through.
That's really all I have to share at the moment.

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


There...I made my title obvious so that next time I'm "researching through my blog", it will be easier to spot a post about a fill.

And with are some important fill stats to be had:

My current fill record...of all fills...ever:

Fluid instillation history:
Adjustment CC
Total In Band
Days between fills
5 cc on 1/17/11
1.0cc on 02/14/2011
0.25cc on 04-04-2011
0.25cc on 05-23-2011
0.25cc on 08-23-2011
0.25cc on 11-28-2011
0.5cc 0n-04-24-2012
-2cc on 09-05-2012
1.0cc on 10-09-2012
0.5cc on 11-19-2012
1cc on 01-21-2013
.5 CC on 07-09-2013
-7.5cc on 04/04/2014
4.0cc on 04/22/2014 (1 cc still in band)
1.0cc on 06/11/2014
1.0cc on 09/08/2014
.3cc on 12/02/2014
Highest Band CC fill level
Total current fluid in band

TADAHHHHHH! All in one place. Cuz the doctor's notes were out of whack and my blog was not even now, it's all black and white. *Phew*

Isn't it pretty?

Now...with all that said....




 (And just in case any newbies are reading this...please don't let this scare you. It's not like excruciating pain or anything I would "never do again"...but there was some noted discomfort and issues. I think there are worse slicing a finger open...or stubbing your pinky toe on a bed frame.)

First of all, my port is getting harder to access for two reasons. 1. I have a fair amount of scar tissue around it that we have to poke through and 2. It's in a weird position now. Not "flipped"...just not exactly where this person needs it to be for easy access.

Second...the person that does my fills now is less experienced than the previous people. The previous peeps didn't need Fleuro and could do the fill just based on feel and experience...and they were really good at it. This person depends on Fleuro, unfortunately. While imaging is causes her to not work based on there is a lot of repositioning. Where Kat and Jen used to get it on the first try, this person has to poke around and move me around...a lot. (For future reference, I need to remind them that me laying FLAT is better than any other position they try).

So there was a lot of poking and radiating my insides to check positioning yesterday. Several times the needle would sorta "bump" past the port when she narrowly missed...which felt very weird and mildly uncomfortable the third time it happened. I had to ask for a second...and then a third application of numbing medication because I could still feel the sharpness of the needle entering my skin. Not horrible...but not the most comfortable thing in the world.

And then the weirdest part of all...the unfill. It has been getting weirder and weirder every time. My clinic completely unfills a band before adding fluid to make sure there have been no leaks. That unfill is the most bizarre feeling to me now. I get this strange sensation all through my abdomen...and as of yesterday, it's not a good feeling. I used to just "notice" it. Now I notice it, it's uncomfortable AND it causes a strange adrenaline response. So I have been advised to remind her in the future that I have this reaction and she will unfill me more slowly so as to avoid agitating the Vagus nerve, which she believes is what is happening.

Beyond that, all the fluid went back in with no issue and my 6 oz of water went down no problem. So...there we are. I'm currently at 7.3 cc's and on liquids. The area around my port is sore from all the poking, but otherwise I'm doing fine.

I will say that she didn't give me any grief about wanting a fill. She indicated that as long as I'm still tolerating bread then I probably need one. I can, in fact, mostly tolerate bread (I ate a roll too fast the day after TG and had issues, but it was a ridiculous amount of bread for me to even attempt). She was even willing to give me a .5cc fill when I only wanted a we split the difference and I got .3. we wait and see.

Next goal...clear my house of tempting treats. Because if it's there...I will eat it. This is when it SUCKS not living alone anymore. My husband buys ice-cream. ICE-CREAM! A bandsters worst enemy!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

It could be worse

It seriously could be so much worse.

I can do this.

And yes...I realize it is not Wednesday...I didn't want to hold off any longer. I need to be accountable to least my blog if nothing else. Hell I haven't even gone to WW in a month...A MONTH!

Fill still scheduled for today. Still questioning my decision. Reviewing my old fill levels and blogs and trying to determine when I had the greatest amount of "success". I know for SURE that regardless of band fill level, I'm not exercising enough. Can't blame the band for that one.

I am a little annoyed at my medical record. It's not I can't tell how much is truly in my band.

The record itself says 7cc, if you calculate the fills listed in the record it comes to 6.25cc, and yet my last blog about getting a fill says 7.25cc. WTH? How many cc's are in this darn thing? Bah! I guess we will know for sure today when she unfills it prior to the fill. (Even the procedural note is inaccurate as it states "8cc of fluid removed, additional 1cc added for a total of 7cc"...hello? Math?)

Have I mentioned lately how much I don't love my new fill person. I miss Kat and Jenn. The chemistry with this person isn't good. This seems to be a theme in my life right now. I'm dissatisfied with a couple interpersonal relationships due to "chemistry". You might think that chemistry thing is only important in your dating world...but you are wrong. But that's a whole 'nother blog post.

I will go to WW today (it's my scheduled day) and then my fill later. I hope...HOPE to exercise soon. Maybe tonight. I laid out the clothes...that's something, right? The hubs is in Dallas for training again this week...which is usually when I get my best exercise in. I set my alarm for 4am this morning...and then pressed the snooze button repeatedly till yeah. Nice job. :)

Monday, December 1, 2014

Fill tomorrow...I think....I dunno...ugh

I am scheduled for a fill tomorrow. I am having a hard time deciding if this is what I truly need.

The facts are these:

I can eat a fair amount most of the time. (1 point for fill)
But not all of the time (1 point for no fill)

I am choosing poorly, and poor choices go down easy. (1 point for no fill)
But maybe if I were more green-zone-ish I would make better choices? (A questionable point for fill)

I can eat more than 1 cup of food (1 point for fill)
Things that are bad for the band (like BREAD and PASTA) don't go down so easy (1 point for no fill)

I am searching for food in the evenings (1 point for fill)
But I'm not THAT hungry, it's really just head hunger (1 point for NO fill)

I'm gaining weight (1 point for fill)

But is it really just all my fault? I'm eating too much sugar!!!  (1 point for no fill)

But I have a tool that I should use (1 point for fill)

I am not trying to stay within calorie and protein targets (out of laziness)
I am not exercising (out of laziness)
I am not drinking my water (not because of restriction, just out of laziness)
I have not weighed in with WW for the last 3 weeks. (Out of "I don't wanna know"-ness)
I have not posted my weight in a few weeks (so much for accountability)

Fill = 5-6ish
No Fill = 5

UGH! I just wish this were so much easier! Those people that say getting a lapband is taking the easy way out...yeah....they can suck it! If it were "easy" I would be at goal. You still have to do the still have to eat still have to move more intentionally.

Aside from all this....Thanksgiving has come and gone. I brought home too much pie. I shouldn't have brought home the pie. I ate more than 1 cup full at the dinner table...but not that much more. The problem was desert and appetizers. But dinner itself was actually helped by the band.

Can't they just invent a pill that makes me not want to ever eat the yummy things?

Anyway...if I go forward with the fill (as I still currently plan to do), I will be on liquids and mushies for the next few days. Yay me.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Ten Things Thursday

1. I am currently wearing tights where I have had to literally tie knots in the waistband to keep them up. I don't think this is due to weight loss....I think they are just old tights and the elastic has give up the fight.

2. My weight this morning was 186.2. I know it's not an official weigh in day, but sure was nice to see the number on the scale. And then I re-read my old blogs...and while I MENTALLY remember getting as low as 175, I only posted (it seems) 181 as my I'm not that far away from a weight where I was wearing some of my cuter outfits...and that feels nice. :)

3. My new active link from WW went through a run in the washer the other day...I look SUPER active during the time it spent in the agitation cycle.

4. Yesterday I ate 3 mini peanut butter cups. I accounted for it and still had a nice low-cal day overall...but still...three???

5. I went for a long walk across all three of our corporate buildings today simply to up the activity on my active link. It's a good indoor walk...problem is, I'm changing buildings Friday and won't be able to do this particular walk anymore. Bummer.

6. I still took my ambien last night. I decided with two major meetings today and tomorrow that this week wasn't a good time to be sleep-deprived. I will try Friday night.

7. I'm dreading buying Halloween candy for the house. So far I've been really good about not really partaking in candy the last couple weeks (aside from item 4 above). I just don't want it at home...and what's worse is we have the kids this Halloween, so we will have their loot to contend with as well. Ugh.

8. I'm trying to get my dad's estate wrapped up so I can disburse the money to my family before the holidays. It isn't much...but I know it will help them. I have NO IDEA how long this part of the process might take I haven't told anyone. I don't want to get their hopes up. I keep hitting refresh on my email looking for notes from the's frankly a little obsessive.

9. My low back is not in a happy place today. It's starting to wear me down.

10. My friend who is not accustomed to watching her diet lost 3 pounds in the last week. I know she is struggling (she is a VERY picky eater who also doesn't eat most meat, so it is extremely hard for me to give her food ideas because she doesn't like much of anything). I'm happy for her. I had advised her to not worry too much the first week about cutting out calories and to focus more on being aware of what she was taking in (learn to weigh/measure, learn how many calories were in what she is "normally" eating, etc.), but she jumped right in with reducing right away. She immediately recognized that she was eating a LOT of cheese and ranch dressing. She sent me a text one day just "shocked" at how many calories were in a single serving of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. This is that "awareness" I wanted her to get...most people have no clue how many calories they are actually consuming. With the ice cream, most people don't even stop at one serving. I'm glad she is learning and hope her success continues.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Taking my lumps

I have no excuse...I ate poorly this last weekend. I made sausage gravy and biscuits on Sunday....and ate liberally (SO DAMN GOOD!). And Saturday I ate an untold number of little smokies wrapped in crescent rolls...and a craft party. And I'm sure there was other food at some point. It wasn't pretty. So the gain is well deserved. At least I worked out on Saturday. Sunday...not so much.

I continue trying to get my exercise in. Also this week I purchased a "Active Link" thingy from WW because it was stupid cheap ($5 for the unit, $5 per month if you have eTools, which I already have for free through work), so now I'm using that...and now I'm realizing just how much activity I do NOT get during a work day. So...I'm now on a mission to go for a walk every couple of hours to change that. I LOVE bio-feedback. I'm sure I will move on to a fitbit or jawbone or something else soon because I know this little gadget isn't going to totally give me what I want...but for 5 bucks, I couldn't resist.

I've been down with some minor bug the last few days that gave me a low grade no exercise since Monday morning. I'm feeling better today. Hope to get a HIIT routine in after work tonight.

I'm going to attempt some major life changes in the coming weeks. Here we go:
  1. Break ambien dependency. Heaven help me.
  2. Achieve job satisfaction by trying to be the best at what I'm currently doing instead of longing to do something different.
  3. Help others in their weight loss efforts (I have a friend who is new to losing and really has no clue about calories, which BLOWS. MY. MIND. since I've been doing this since I was 12 and to me it is like breathing. Anyway...we are going to try to support each other in this process.
  4. Be more active with not only my daily hour of exercise, but also movement throughout the day.
That's all big stuff...the ambien one especially as it can EASILY impact all the others. I think I just need to quit cold turkey and accept the fact that I won't sleep well for a while...which in turn will affect my energy...leading to not wanting to exercise...and lower mood...affecting work performance. This could get really ugly. But I feel like I need to try. As it is right now I'm "scared" to try to go to sleep without it...that's not healthy.

I need to go focus on number 2 now...stop dinking around here. Later!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Another Wednesday Weigh-In

Yee-Haw! I'm definitely enjoying the downward trend!

I'm also enjoying my current eating "program"...that still allows me yummy things, like cake...if I plan for it.

I do miss diving head-first into a bag of tortilla chips with some delicious green salsa...but for now, the numbers on the scale are more important to me.

Yesterday wrapped up my 17 week WW program that I signed up through at work. After 17 weeks I was down exactly 10 lbs (I did NOT stick with the program the whole time!). $93, I paid roughly $5.47 per pound lost and lost .6 lbs per week. I probably shouldn't look at it that way...because that way annoys me. The reason I signed up for it was for the scale accountability...and that did, for the most part, work. So...with that said...I re-registered for the next 17 week session. This session goes through February... which hopefully will keep me honest through the holidays. That is the intent, anyway.

If only I could lose "2 lbs a week" for the next 17 weeks...that would put me at 153...which would be money well spent! But...I know how I am and I know I'm up against the I really can just "do my best"...and try to keep the workouts going strong and make the best of this next 17 weeks.

This last weekend I spent Friday and Saturday at an all-day conference at a hotel. To be honest, I didn't do so bad with the food on Friday until the conference ended...then the mental exhaustion seemed to lead to some very bad food choices. The second day I think my brain gave in to the "if it's there, you must eat it" ridiculousness and I ended up consuming a bagel with cream cheese at breakfast and several cookies throughout the day, even though I wasn't really hungry. If I had simply stuck with my protein shake for breakfast and the meat and cheese out of the sandwich they provided for lunch I would have been fine...but I didn't. Nobody to blame but me. The cookies weren't even that good...that's the killer part! I shouldn't waste precious calories on crappy food! UGH! I make some AMAZING cookies...that hotel version has NOTHING on my brown butter chocolate chip cookies...NOTHING!

So anyway, as usual, my food choices are going well throughout the week but off the rails on the weekend. Clearly this week I didn't do that much damage, so I'm not going to complain too much. I think the key for the weekends is limiting just how off the rails I go. If I can limit it to one or two meals instead of two entire days, that won't be so bad at all. Especially if I keep up the exercise.

Speaking of exercise...last 7 days not quite as successful as the previous 7, but I did get a good dose of HIIT in yesterday, which I am pleased with. I hope to get an hour of elliptical in this afternoon after work.

I just now, at 8:49 am, got hungry (I've been up since 6)...I'm trying to pay attention to actual hunger instead of just eating because it is time to eat. I'm not sure if this is ideal, but for right now I feel like it's an important step in getting back to band basics in as much as it is helping me to realize that the band does actually help me to not be hungry. I'm trying to be more "aware". The food plan for today is as follows:

Cottage Cheese
Asian Broccoli Salad with Chicken

Nugo Bar
Spaghetti Squash and Meat Sauce


Seems kinda light...but I'm not very hungry right now so the thought of adding additional food at the moment isn't very appealing. At least I have wiggle room if I get hungry later. Also...I just discovered SparkPeople does some rounding up in the Protein column, because SP has the same amounts I have listed but totals out to 52 grams of protein for the day. Conspiracy!

I will post separately about the conference, because I want to personally "journal" about the experience. It was the Working 2 Walk Spinal Cord Injury Science and Advocacy Symposium put together by It was fascinating, informative, and truly gave me pause to reflect on exactly how far I've come...and that I may have a story that needs to be told. I'm still internally processing it all, but I'm so glad I went.

That's it for now...I need to get to workin...