Thursday, June 28, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

I want to try to get in on this every week...here's my first attempt:

  1. I'm not sure how I feel about this new blogger interface. I'm sure everyone else dealt with it some time ago...but since I'm a bad blogger, I'm just now getting around to noticing the changes. In general I like to think I'm a "go with the flow" kind of person...but I think the reality is that sometimes it takes me a while to adjust to the flow.
  2. I just polished off 2 servings of chicken PLUS a cup of broccoli. I bet I would have been ok with 1 serving of chicken. Why can't I get my brain to comprehend that even now?
  3. A dear friend is in the hospital. She lost site in one eye and it has since been discovered that it was caused by a blockage in her carotid artery that is now dissecting. I'm very concerned for her. She is only 50 years old, has 6 children and 3 grandchildren. I hope she will be ok.
  4. Scott comes back from his business trip in Philly tomorrow. So I have one more night to sprawl out like a bed-hog and enjoy the quiet in the house. The dogs whine in the mornings because Scott lets them sleep on the bed with him after I leave for work. Yeah...the dogs don't whine when he's not there. I guess they know that it won't get them anywhere with me. I so LOVE sleeping in without the incessant whining! I miss Scott...but I'm really going to miss the peace and quiet when he comes back.
  5. I leave for Washington DC in 2 weeks. Excited! I've always wanted to go there. It looks like it's going to be hot as hell though!
  6. I took 2 of the dogs for a lap around the park yesterday...and then didn't do the elliptical. :( I failed, again.
  7. Whenever Scott goes on a business trip he eats crap...and then the day before he comes home he professes that the exercise must start immediately upon his return. I got that text again today...I told him he needs to commit and not just say he wants to do it. Here's hoping we find a way to do this together!
  8. Planning a wedding without your mom is hard, emotionally. It's not impossible...but I do wish she were here to be a part of it.
  9. There is a desert social at my office today at 3pm...I plan on leaving at 3pm to visit my friend in the hospital. I think this is a much better use of my time and calories.
  10. We actually had 3 consecutive days of spring-like weather. Too bad it's summer. Too bad, also, that the rain is supposed to start again tomorrow. *sigh*

There's my 10. And...here's my food log for the day. I have a workout session with Mark tonight...thank heavens!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Bathing Suit Shopping

I did well with the motivation to work out last week...and lost it again this week. I will (if it kills me) do at least 30 minutes on the elliptical tonight, and then tomorrow I have an after-work session with Mark (thank goodness he is back!) so hopefully I will get moving the right direction again. Only 4 more days left of the month to get some more pink dots on my calendar! I gotta work it!!!!


Food wise, now that my period is over, things are going soooo much better. I can say that I have made some relatively good food choices in the last week, and even indulged a couple times without going "crazy"...like enjoying a single fast food burrito. I'm sure the taco bell people think I'm crazy when I come through and order only one item for 99 cents. I also enjoyed some chips and salsa from my favorite restaurant, where I managed to not eat the entire basket! That same day I enjoyed a 1/2 of a hot fudge sunday with my 4 year old step-daughter. When I was done I pushed it away and she asked why I didn't finish it and I told her because my belly was full and I didn't want any more. She looked at me like I'd lost my mind...how could someone push away icecream, after all??? I've only had one stuck incident in the last week, and it was totally my fault for eating something bread-related too fast. With hormones out of the way, I think I can finally say I'm at a good fill level.

Friday I decided it was time to buy a couple of swimsuits for my upcoming cruise. I wanted to buy now while there is still a lot to choose from because they will be off the sales floor within the next couple months. So...mentally, was I prepared for this? Eh...hard to say. I can say that I fit into size 12 suits. I can also say that I DESPERATELY need some surgeries (breast lift and a tummy tuck/lower body lift)...and there may be absolutely no hope for my thighs....but all in all, it could have been worse. I even took a couple pictures that I'm sharing here to show what I look like...35 pounds from goal. It's not great...and I know I have no business wearing a bikini top...but I think I will on the cruise. After all, do I give a crap what others think of my stretch marks and saggy upper tummy? Nope...really don't.





I definitely could look better...and really, REALLY need some surgical intervention...but all in all, I'm proud of how far I've come. Of these pictures, I only bought the little black skirt. Although I'm not hating the pink top so much. Anyway...I have 2.5 months to work a little more on my flabby abs...the flab will still be there, but I'd like to minimize the side fat a little more before cruise time. Oooh...that reminds me....I just ordered Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. I think it's similar to my current workouts, but I can't wait to try it out!


One more pic...just cuz it's cute. This is my 4 year old bonus-baby eating an ice cream sunday with me....but she is wearing my workout jacket with the thumbholes in it...and she has her little thumbs through the thumbholes...which for some reason I just thought was the cutest thing ever! I think it was because she was essentially mimicking me...I don't know what this was so heartwarming but it was. She wore my jacket the whole rest of the day while I froze my booty off.



Here's another one of her...just being plane cute eating her "orange rice"...which is what she calls Spanish Rice at the mexican restaurant. I had my favorite bowl of Chicken Tortilla soup, of course.



And finally...here's my food plan for today. Just finished my Chili....delicious!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Fail

Well, first weekend attempting new “take back my time” was an epic fail. I will try again next weekend. My excuse is uber-crankyness and serious cramps due to my period…I’m sticking with that story. I’m just now emerging from my serious funk. I'm hoping for a better week but work is bringing me down lower. I need to snap out of this.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

SparkPeople chicken count too good to be true?


The Teriyaki Chicken Hot Bowl of goodness!
Today I actually went through the effort of weighing out the chicken that comes in my hot bowl because I wanted to make sure I was accounting for it correctly in my food log. Turns out that I had actually over-estimated the weight. I thought I was eating 200 grams but it's really only 170. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about this till I started poking around on the interwebs and found SEVERAL different answers for how many calories in 170 grams of chicken. Now I'm confused and don't know what to believe. I hope SparkPeople is correct...because if that is wrong (and this is not an "end user entry" item), then I'm left to doubt all other entries. Bah!

Here's a picture of what my food log looks like for today. The snacks are divied up between meals. My surgeon has us eating 6 meals a day. I'm not sure how people that do only 3 times a day do it to be honest...except on days where I eat a BIG meal (like the chicken bowl days), I'm ready for a light snack 2-3 hours after a meal. And I actually don't ALWAYS eat everything in my plan...I play it by ear. I start the day by entering my "plan" into the nutrition tracker...and sometimes I will skip a piece of cheese or something, usually to save calories for my taco-time with Scott. In any case...this is the plan for today, and if I cut anything it will be the cheese, and maybe the laughing cow cheese/crackers, and possibly the pudding and Kashi (which I mix together and is delicious!)...seriously, this chicken bowl is so filling. I'm not sure WHEN I'll be hungry again!

If all is correct on this, I should get 122-136 grams of protein in today....not bad I think. I've been trying to get about this much for the last week or so.

Scale dipped it's toe below 180 today...not sure if I can count it just yet. My period is due today...but it's toying with me. The next few days on the scale should be fun. I did NOT get up to work out this morning as I had planned, and the kids will be dropped off at the house at 7pm at which time we pretty much promptly start "bedtime routine"...so I may have to wait to workout after Scott comes home tonight. That will suck, but I don't want to lose the streak I have going on right now.

That's it for now...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Refocusing


I really enjoyed going to the support group last night and am looking forward to going again in two months. Unfortunately I just realized that I can’t go next month because I’m flying to Washington DC that day for a work conference. POO!!!!

 
Last night at the support group I set 2 goals for myself to work on in the next month. I’m adding a third here today:

 
  1. Make my home “safe”. I’m having big issues right now with buying foods that I think I can eat “in moderation” and then binging on them. I need to just not buy them, period. So that is my first goal…not allowing the problem food into my home.
  2. Take my weekends back. Since I started dating Scott, my weekends have been consumed with bonding with the girls, entertaining the girls, giving quality time to the girls. I’ve lost giving myself that one hour of quality time, except for the occasional Saturday training session with Mark. Raising kids is absolutely exhausting work…and I only do it 2-3 days a week. But I need to take those 1-2 hours for myself back on weekend days so that I can bring up the number of days in total I’m working out each week.
  3. I need to blog at least once a week. I lost ground here. My future step kids, my future husband, my upcoming wedding…it has all been a lot to work into my schedule. Things got dropped. But I need the accountability. I need to post my silly pictures of my workout log for the month, and my lunch box for the day. I need to participate in this process again. So…here we are in June…this is blog number 2. No more of this 1 blog a month crap….it’s time to step it up.

So…just to get things kicked off in the right direction. Today is Wednesday…I have successfully worked out 3 days in a row this week. My weight is down to 180.2, even after dining out at a Thai restaurant and enjoying a very small piece of chocolate cake yesterday. My meal breakdown was like this:

 
Breakfast: Protein shake (30)

Snack: ½ cup Cottage cheese (14)

Lunch: 3 chicken skewers with Thai Peanut Sauce and one very small slice of chocolate cake (24)

Snack: String cheese (6)

Dinner: Protein Shake and Broccoli Salad (35)

Snack: 4 bites of Scott’s steak taco (8ish?)

Indulgence: Single Reese’s PB Cup

 
Total calories for the day 1400 (I might have counted the chicken skewers too high though), total protein, around 117 (I’m actually getting a higher reading on sparkpeople, but their broccoli salad count is wrong and again, I think I counted the chicken skewers too high). Incidently, the reason for 2 protein shakes is not at all because of any tightness issues...it's because I'm actually trying to keep my protein counts relatively high, so I'm using them as a supplement. They also make packing my lunch VERY easy.

 

The 4 bites of Scott’s steak taco thing is becoming a nightly tradition. Early on in our relationship he got hooked on my “chicken quesadilla’s”…which I just couldn’t keep doing because that was a lot of calories to budget in each day. He is currently doing his version of low carbing, which he does with the occasional use of this product:

 

Personally…I think this product is “too good to be true”. I mean, a full size tortilla for only 71 calories, with 17 grams of carb and 12 grams of fiber? Come on…can’t be! I’m waiting to learn that this has been grossly mislabeled. But in the meantime, I’ll enjoy our nightly ritual. The taco consists of the wrap, some carne asada that we buy frozen at walmart, some shredded cheddar cheese and hot sauce. This crap is delicious. I don’t know what my 4-5 bites are costing me exactly…but I save a couple hundred calories for the end of the day to enjoy this with him. For what it’s worth, this is the meat we are using and it’s nutrition info:
 


 

 

 
Today I started marking my workout days in my calendar again…so hopefully I will have a June full of pink dots. We are 13 days in and I already have 8ish (one day I sorta counted because I walked around some trails for an hour or two…not really a workout, but I wasn’t sitting still, so I’ll count it.) I have a big weekend coming up that will have its own challenges. In order to give the kids’ mom a chance to leave town for a camping trip early, I have agreed to watch the kids on my own all day Friday while Scott is at work. Finding the time to work out on this day might be extra challenging…but we’ll see. Saturday we have the kids’ first Gymnastics class and then we are taking them to a friend’s house for a BBQ…so I gotta not only find time to squeeze a workout in, but also have the added challenge of BBQ food. I will try to keep the calories low in the early part of the day so that I can enjoy a little food at the party that night. Sunday being father’s day…well…we’ll see.

 
One week from Friday I’m having a “wedding dress foundation garment fitting”…so I need to not mess around right now. I can’t spend a bunch of money on a bra I’m only going to wear 1 time only to have it not fit. No pressure, right? Oy.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, June 11, 2012

Bring on the spicy food?


I don’t know when it happened…but lately I’m in love with spicy food. I discovered the “hot chicken bowl” at the local teriyaki joint, which has spicy chicken over steamed vegetables (hold the rice), and that started my downhill role into this new addiction. Scott makes a simple “steak and cheese taco” on a low carb shell that includes hot sauce…and lets me take a few bites to feed my desire. I can’t do a whole taco myself because the low carb tortilla gets stuck, but a few meaty bites go down ok. Then…this last weekend, he made a sausage and egg breakfast burrito on a low carb tortilla which I took one bite of and announced that it needed hot sauce. WTH? Who is this person? I never liked hot sauce before!

My weight is holding steady between 181 and 182. But my biceps look fantastic! And the abs that are still covered by my protective layer of fat…well…they would look great too, if you could see them.

The wedding is 97 days away. My 20 year high school reunion is a mere 29 days away…I’m probably slightly more concerned about that. I’m already 30 lbs lighter than I was as a freshman…but I wouldn’t mind being even smaller. However, my head seems barely in this game anymore. I’m still struggling to get 4 days of exercise in per week, but I am at least getting the 4. Food is an issue. My latest band fill is quite adequate to restrict to much of anything and just a bit of some things like dry chicken, steak and most bread related items…but I still can tend to choose things that go down just fine…like cake or chocolate. I don’t know WHY I’m choosing these things. I’m sure it all goes back to whatever caused me to be overweight my whole life to begin with. To give an idea of what’s going on, I can eat a normal 1 cup serving of pretty much anything just fine…I’m not “too tight”…but I find myself craving milk shakes and ice cream and cookies and things…all the while thinking that I can get a LOT down without problem. So it’s not that I want it because it’s a slider food and nothing else is going down…I seem to want to eat in quantity in general "just because". That is why I’m saying this has something to do with old behaviors…the urge to binge…It has reared it’s very ugly head.

I am planning on attending a gastric banding support group tomorrow evening for the first time since being banded a year and a half ago. I think I need it now to get my head back in the game. Could I be happy at 180 forever? Probably…but I really want to try to get to 160…I really, really do.

The stuck issues are very frequent nown (once a week). At some point I might have to ask for a slight un-fill if I can’t get my head to stop either eating too fast or eating things I know I shouldn’t eat. But I have a conundrum in that there are some meals that go down fine that I think I should easily get stuck on (6 oz’s of spicy chicken PLUS 1 cup of steamed cabbage goes down without sticking at all…that is way too much food!), and other meals that get stuck that don’t make as much sense (4 bites of steak? Really?). So it’s almost Russian roulette of seeing how each meal will go.

For lunch today I had a protein shake and, of course, broccoli slaw. Nothing got stuck, but I got my “uncomfortably full” signal (of course 20 minutes AFTER I was done eating…that’s of no help). That didn’t even make sense to me. I had the protein shake first, which theoretically should have slid right on through the band, and then topped off with my veggies (the broccoli slaw), which was limited to ½ cup, and THAT made me feel full? How? I just don’t get it. How can it be explained that I enjoyed pasta with meat sauce last night, had a 1 cup serving and felt just fine?

My sister got an un-fill right before her wedding so that she could enjoy her reception without as much restriction. Lately I’ve been wondering if I should do that…mostly because I’m worried about PB’ing in front of every friend and family member I have in my beautiful white dress. Ugh…and then on the cruise a week later? Oh no…I just can’t decide. Most of me wants to work within the band limitations like I should without getting an un-fill at all…but I guess I will have to decide as I get closer to the event. Incidentally, 3 weeks before the wedding, my fiancĂ© and I are being treated to a dinner at the Metropolitan in Seattle. The same part of me that wants and un-fill for the wedding would like to schedule an un-fill prior to this blessed event…because whenever, in my life, am I ever going to get the chance to eat a $50 steak again???? But if I get the un-fill for that, it would need to be the week before, which would be 4 weeks before the wedding….what are the odds that I would still fit into the wedding dress by the end of the 4th week? Yeah…not great.

It’s all a mind game that I’m losing right now. Fortunately you can’t tell by my weight…I mean at least at this moment it is not going up…but think how much better I would be if I were doing everything correctly. That thought just ticks me off worse. I don’t know how to fix my brain! UGH!