Wednesday, April 25, 2012

*burp*....oh....excuse me

All filled up and frankly a little nervous. I mean…the restriction feels great, but I don’t usually “notice” a fill for a couple weeks. I just had my fill yesterday morning, and I am already noticing that I can no longer inhale large quantities of water like I used to. Plus…I’m very burpy. This is going to be interesting to when I finally go back on solid foods.

This is what I wanted though…I need a period of time where I’m a little more forced into taking smaller bites and eating smaller quantities. But if Frito Bandito holds true to form and really kicks in hardcore in 2-3 weeks, I might be in for a world of hurt. Nothing left to do but wait I guess.

On the bright side, the scale at my doctor’s office was only up 4 lbs since January (that is when I had my 1 year check-up, my last fill was November 28th). Kat was very pleased with my progress, even being up 4 lbs, so that made me feel good. I also saw staff from other parts of the clinic that I go to that were extremely complimentary. Then I came to work and continued to get MORE compliments from random people…so maybe I should wear this outfit more often?

Kat wanted to go “aggressive” with this fill, but I said I just needed a smidge, knowing that I can still manage to get myself into stuck situations. We went with 1/2 cc, putting me at I think 7.5 cc in my 11 cc band. I don’t want to get to a point where I’m completely cutting out food groups…my intent all along was to attempt to eat as normal a diet as possible for as long as possible. I don’t want to be doing shakes and mushies for the rest of my life…I want to eat. Just maybe not so much and definitely not so often. Man, last Thursday was INSANE…I managed to eat my ½ cup serving of lunch, my mid-day snack, my ½ cup serving of dinner and my evening snack, all before dinner time…I felt ravenous. All of those meals were very high protein, so it was ridiculous to be feeling that way. I’m looking forward to some more stable times in the coming weeks.

I’m getting back to basics. I plan on following the guidelines like I should have been all along:

• ½ cup food per meal, no seconds
• Protein first (I had been experimenting with eating fruit…I think that was causing me serious hunger issues. Time to cut that out again for a while)
• Small bites, take ½ hour to complete a meal
• At least 90 grams of protein a day

I’m back in the saddle again…shooting for the green zone.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I need a fill

I've given in and have scheduled a fill appointment for next week.

I'm back to exercising 5-6 days a week, but diet wise...I can eat too much and am hungry a lot and have lost every bit of willpower I've enjoyed in the last year. I'm still hovering around 185 for months now...and worst of all, I've been contemplating "crash diets", which this whole band thing was supposed to STOP me from doing. So yes...I think it's time for a fill.

My last fill appears to have been November least from what I can tell on my calendar, since I apparently didn't blog about it. So…4.5 months….that’s not too bad. The thing that is getting me right now is that I do occasionally get stuck…but when I really break down the behavior that is causing that to happen, it points back around to me needing a fill. The problem is that I can eat too much food right now, and I get really, REALLY hungry…so the combination of knowing I can eat more than I should and being really hungry can occasionally cause me to eat too much too fast. That is usually when the stuckness happens.

My hope with this fill is that I will be restricted to the point of a) not being really hungry all the time (right now I’m searching for food every 1.5 hours) and b) taking smaller bites and eating slowly because I have little choice to do otherwise. As it is right now, I can down 2 cake donuts in 5 minutes…yes, I know I shouldn’t be eating donuts…but right now I’m struggling with willpower like you would not believe…but I REALLY would love it if I could stop at ½ of one donut and be done. I’d like it better if I didn’t want the dang donut at all…I’m hoping those days come back around. I miss them. *sigh*

I’m sitting here in my size 12 jeans…so proud to be in them, yet so disgusted with the fact that I ate two freakin donuts today. I just can’t wrap my head around this form of self-sabotage.

In other news…

Wedding planning is in full effect. I’m very excited by how “do it yourself” it is and how much my friends and family are participating in making it wonderful. My budget is somewhere around $6000ish (minus the rings/honeymoon) and it seems to all be coming together. I have stuff on loan, and home-made stuff, and DIY stuff that otherwise cost a fortune (e.g., Scott REALLY wanted a photo booth…so I found a way to give him one without spending $800-$1200 that those services seem to be asking). I have friends of friends doing photos and DJing and found a super-cost effective alternative to the caterer we wanted, all for a fraction of the going rate.

I hope you all won’t mind me sharing my pictures of the whole thing in September. It will NOT be a low calorie event, so if food porn is a trigger for you, you might not want to look at the photos. I’m planning comfort food and a desert buffet for goodness sake! I hope Frito Bandito holds me together that day for my own sake! (On a side note, my sister had all the fluid removed from her band for her wedding day…and then never had it re-filled….I’m currently NOT intending on making that same mistake).

Regarding wedding dresses, I already have one from my sister that is gorgeous, but I still wanted the chance to try on dresses because this is the only time in my life I’ll get that opportunity…so I did. Man…that was fun and yet a big fat bummer at the same time. I say this because while MOST of my body is a wedding dress size 14…my chest is apparently still a 14W. So I tried on a bunch, but the 14’s made my chest look bad (or wouldn’t close) and the 14Ws were too big in the waist. That was annoying…but I still had fun making myself look like a big puffy cupcake. :) See, look!

I rehired Mark, my personal trainer, to get me back on track with exercise. I’m seeing him 2 days a week for the last month or so now…so glad I did that. I wish I could always afford to have a drill sergeant by my side. But I’m happy to be back in the swing of things again. The surgery I had in January threw me off track so bad. UGH! I don’t want that to happen again!

The bonus-mom thing…well as much as I adore the kids, we have our moments. I do love them…but whining and tantrums…oy vey…please tell me this is a phase that will end sooner rather than later??? I hope. My weekends are SWALLOWED up by kid-time activities now. I have occasionally scheduled a training session with Mark for first thing Saturday morning just to have an excuse to GET OUT of the house and get the workout done. It is soooo much easier to do that then to go do an hour on the elliptical when the kids are tugging on you for one reason or another. I justify this by reminding myself that my time for self-improvement IS important…and I’m worth it.

Here’s some more photo’s, just for the heck of it.

This is from date night last friday

The girls drawing on me with chalk

I now own a tutu...I love it!

I love this picture of Nev, even though it was on accident
I'll strive to be a better blogger...
Till next time!