Monday, February 6, 2012

You actually have to WORK the band…or it won’t really work that well

I’m stuck in a bad cycle right now. My weight is up, my exercise is down and I know what needs to be done but am having a hard time getting back on track. I found all the easy foods to eat. So I deluded myself into believing that I need a fill to help me out…that if I were just a little more restricted then I would have some self-control. But the reality is that I don’t need any more restriction…this is evidenced by the fact that I have gotten stuck THREE times in the last 7 days…one of those times was even in PUBLIC! I don’t need restriction! I need to get back to the darn basics! I need to take small bites, eat dense food that will make me feel full, slow down the time that it takes to eat a meal and watch my calories. I need to start exercising regularly again. I need to stop eating sweets….hell I need to stop BUYING sweets or giving into them when they are around.

 
I clearly know what needs to be done…now I just need to do it. Anyone who thinks that having a band is the “easy way out” is just wrong. You still fight the same battles you always fought….food still tastes good, it’s easy to choose foods that have no nutritional value, it’s easy to graze on things that jack up your calorie intake throughout the day, and you still sometimes have the “I better eat this now because tomorrow I go back on a diet” mentality that I had at one point moved away from but somehow it has crept back in. I have some work to do.

 
I have TWO major events coming up that one might THINK would provide me with enough inspiration but so far it’s not working. In July I will be attending my 20 year high school reunion. I’ve been fat since birth. I hit 215 pounds by the time I was a freshman in High School. I’m DYING to show up svelte to this damn thing.

 
Second….I’m getting married. Yes…you heard it here first! Scott and I are getting married on September 16th. Hells bells….I posted on my band blog before I even posted it on Facebook. I haven’t told my dad yet so I can’t post about it anywhere but here (he will find out as soon as possible and then I will be blabbing on FB to be sure). Scott and I were waiting till I had “the ring” before formally announcing it. But we can’t get the ring till March, and Scott already told his whole family (excited much?), and my younger sister and “other mother” both know (my real mom passed away in 2002…her best friend is a very close family friend and my “other mother”). I just don’t think it’s realistic to wait till the ring is on my finger in March….the blabbing will commence shortly.

 
So…one might think these two life events would make me take this weight loss thing seriously….but so far, not so much.

 
It doesn’t help that I had a little surgery on my chest 10 days ago…so exercise has been OFF the agenda since then. And planning a wedding has already proven to be a little bit stressful….cue the stress eating “excuse”. My life of “routine” was thrown off with Scott and the kids moving in, and the holidays, and then the surgery. Things are settling in now… I desperately want my routine back and I’m starting to make it work (I think). I did 1 hour of exercise yesterday, even with the kids running all around me asking questions and reporting back every action that occurred in my absence. I just need to continue to put my exercise as a priority even during their visits (which has been hard so far). It helps that they are both sleeping better through the night…so now I’m finally getting better rest when they are at the house.


A fun form of exercise...bouncing with 29 and 39 pounds sitting on each knee. the kids loved it, and my heart rate got into the 140's for several minutes. I then curled and delt pressed each girl a couple times. That was considerably harder then the 10 pound dumbells I usually use!

 
I plan to do an hour of circuit tonight. I have my calories for today figured out. I can do this…I know what to do…I just need to put it into action. I had scheduled a fill for February 20th…but as of right now, I’m DEEPLY considering cancelling it. Part of me knows I ate too much and that is why I got stuck those three times, but part of me wonders if I had just a little bit more restriction if I would be better off, maybe able to be satisfied with smaller meals? Maybe satisfied longer in between meals. I need to use this week to really eat properly and then decide if the problem is ME and not the band. I think I know the answer…I just need to work on proving it to myself.

 
I leave for Los Angeles and San Diego Saturday morning. I hope my new-found commitment to myself can survive this trip! Saturday through Tuesday I will be staying with Scott’s Mom and finally meeting his Dad and his eldest sister and her family. Then Tuesday Scott and I check into the hotel I will be staying at for my work conference and spending Valentine’s day together, then he flies out Wednesday morning and I will be on my own till Friday for my conference. I NEED to stay committed to proper food and exercise during this trip! I know I can do it…I just need to actually do it!

 
Today I weigh 189 pounds (yes…that is significantly higher than my last post...I am ashamed).

 
I would like to be close or near to my goal of 145 by July 20th.

 
That is a loss of 44 pounds over 23 weeks. This is very much doable…and even getting half-way there would be awesome. I can do this….I just need to work on my issues!

 
My commitment to myself:

 
  • Stop buying junk food. You can’t resist it…You shouldn’t have it in your house.
  • Get back to exercising 6 days a week. Even if it is only for 30 minutes to start, at least get back into the routine of putting on the exercise clothes and doing SOMETHING. Work back up to the full 60+ minutes you were doing before.
  • Count calories on the weekends, too. Stop justifying that you are doing ok by only doing it during the week.
  • Focus on sculpting those arms….the wedding dress looks good, but will look better with some killer guns!

For kicks...since I can't share this anywhere else since Scott will see it (and he doesn't read this blog), here is a pic of me in my sister's wedding dress which she has graciously offered to me for my own wedding. I love this dress. Losing 20 or so pounds will make it look even better...and it already looks pretty damn good.



Is this not stunning???
This is where you can see the loss of an additional 20+ pounds would definitely be helpful.
 
Time to get to work on those goals!