Tuesday, September 27, 2011

195 and a love life???

Weight loss seems like it’s slowing down but I’m feeling pretty good about everything these days so I’m ok with it. I’m glad to be at 195 though…been bouncing around 2-3 lbs for a while now. My clothing options (now that summer is over) are limited to 2 pairs of jeans, 5 tops and 2 business suits that are 2 sizes too big but still doable. Oy...I need to buy a few things but am afraid to buy too much (in hopes the downward trend continues!)

My calories are still ranging from 1100-1500 every day...a couple times I edged into the 1900 level but I didn’t kick myself too hard for it. The whole reason I got banded was so that I could have “more good days than bad”...and for that it is totally working. My last posted band-fill still has me in a very good "green zone".

I’m still exercising regularly, although I’ve shortened the duration or skipped days here and there when I wasn’t feeling well, which seems to be a lot lately. I am still having issues that have prompted me to schedule an appointment with my doctor. Unfortunately, my doctor books WAY far out in advance and can’t see me till mid-October. I booked this appointment 2 weeks ago. I’m concerned because things I’ve read online say that if you have “changes in bowel habits that continue beyond 2 weeks” to call your doctor. Well…we are on month 3? I posted about it July 20th and said at that time that it’s been going on for several weeks. Ugh…some “regularity” would be nice. But regardless...I'm still getting AT LEAST 5 days of exercise in each week, an hour a day. I shortened two sessions to only 40 minutes...still not bad I'd say.


I’ve met someone that I’m crazy about…and he is crazy about me. It’s only been a week but it’s going so well, it’s one of those “I want to shout it from the rooftops” situations. He is on my Facebook so I feel like I can’t say too much on there for fear of embarrassing the hell out of him…so you guys will get all the gory details.

We met in person on September 18th after a very brief email exchange on a dating website where he was quite humorous and obviously (I could tell from the way he wrote) a fan of a comedian that I am also a fan of…so I figured I would just go out with him and if nothing more would have met a fellow Adam Carolla fan. The date went super-well...he bought me dinner (a side Caesar salad was all I had room for that day) at a favorite waterfront restaurant and we talked easily and it was a ton of fun.

He called me later that night to tell me that he was trying to buy us tickets to see Carolla in November and he wanted to know if my disability required any special arrangements. Awww!!!! So generous to buy the tickets but also so considerate to ask about special arrangements needed!

The next day he emailed me that he had bought us 5th row tickets for the show from a reseller, which had to be expensive. I can’t believe he did that for a girl he just went on one date with...but he did. We started emailing and texting extensively, learning so much more about each other, finding bizarre little commonalities that really weirded us out. Then this weekend he took me on our “surprise” second date...and from here you can be a voyeur into my life and watch the video:

Yep...he took me skydiving! If he would have told me ahead of time there is no way I would have gone! I know I would have chickened out. In all our email/text exchanges he never once mentioned that he was an adrenaline junkie...he’s bungee jumped more than 20 times! OMG! Thank goodness THAT wasn’t the plan for our date! I’m not sure jumping from a perfectly good airplane makes a hell of a lot more sense though...but I was way more willing to do that than jump off a bridge with a rubber-band around my ankles. And by the way...this place had a 220lb weight limit…he never once asked me my weight. How crazy is it that he knew I didn’t exceed the limit????

The day was amazing…seriously the greatest day of my life. I hope to do it again someday. He said if we are still together this time next year, we will do it for our anniversary.

We are seeing each other tomorrow night (probably just to walk the dog in the park and cuddle a little on the sofa) and then Friday I am making him a spaghetti dinner and we are watching a campy movie.

We have talked about kids/marriage/skeletons in closets and everything...I’m 100% crazy about this man. I can’t wait to see where this goes.

A little nervous about him seeing the loose skin...not sure how to get over THAT in my own head. Oy...at least so far we haven’t had to cross that bridge yet. LOL

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Back at the sweet spot and loving it!

I don’t know if it’s this last fill finally taking full effect or if I’m a little tighter right now due to hormones…but I love it. I’m actually on “mushies” right now due to getting a little stuckish on Sunday after over-indulging on tortilla chips (WOHOO! Finally my band restricts tortilla chips! Hallelujah!) and I’ll tell ya, I’ve never been this “satisfied” on a mushy diet before. Usually I’m wanting food pretty badly by the time next meal/snack rolls around, but not now. I’m satiated for nice longgg periods. I love this!

Today a VERY skinny woman that works in my office (I’m talking 5’3", maybe 100 lbs) commented on my weight loss while we waited for an elevator. This is not someone I know, but I have seen her in passing to the bathroom over the last year. She said “you have lost a massive amount of weight”…and I replied with thanks and that I still had a long way to go. She asked why and I explained that I wanted to get into the “healthy BMI” range which would take another 50 lbs...she was shocked. SHOCKED that I could stand to lose 50 more pounds! I’ve never had someone be “shocked” and think I didn’t need to lose that much more. DAMN! That felt good.

It helps that I was wearing my very cute size 16W white denim capris from JCP and my slate blue size XL dolman sleeve top from Costco…a very slimming look, indeed. I feel pretty. :)

Weight this morning, still 197.8….but I was HORRIBLE Saturday…lots of grazing on meatballs and other such things at a party over an 8 hour period. I deserve every bit of any weight retaliation.

Friday, September 9, 2011



My celebration is 2-fold…not only do I have a weight that starts with a 1 for the first time since 8th grade….but I also have officially lost 100 lbs! Of course, a chunk of that was before surgery, but it counts! I waited a few days to post this because I wanted to be sure the weight would stick…so far it’s sticking!

Here are some notes for the record:

  • I started in a tight size 22/24 when I probably should have been wearing 26/28 for some time. I am now in a Lane Bryant 14 jean or a JC Penny 16 jean. I even bought a pair of skinny jeans and I have the “okay” from my friends to wear them! They were only $7 at JCP…a deal I simply couldn’t refuse! 
  • I’m only 38 pounds away from my next mini goal of 160
  • I’m 53 pounds away from my final goal weight of 145. 
  • I have lost 65% of my total excess body weight that I hope to lose.
  • I have lost 62 pounds since the day of surgery

To commemorate this occasion, I also took my measurements. Below are the measurements since I started tracking right before what was supposed to be my surgery date that got cancelled the first time. Unfortunately these do not include my measurements at my highest weight of 298.










Sum of Inches


Cumulative Loss





























































































Reality Check – Haven’t done this in a while.

Rule # 1: Eat 3-6 small meals a day. Only eat when hungry, and skipping meals is ok.
BJ’s assessment: I’m doing really well with this rule. My doctor actually scolded me for the days I said I do only 3 meals a day…so I’m trying harder to keep it closer to 6. During the times when I have the black-hole of munchiness the number goes up and evenings can definitely be a problem. I’ll score myself with a .5 this time around because of the evening snack additions.

Score: .5/1

Rule # 2: Eat Slowly (Wait at least 30 seconds between bites) and chew thoroughly.
BJ’s assessment: Since this last fill kicked in, I’m actually getting better at this. My bites are still too big, but I’m eating slower. I’ll say .5 for the score.

Score: .5/1

Rule # 3: Stop eating as soon as you feel full.

BJ’s assessment: My full indicator is delayed…which is dumb. But I am much better about stopping eating at the end of the serving I have allotted myself…and I’m really getting better at making the serving even smaller ahead of time based on my current hunger level and then coming back for the rest later. Not bad.

Score: .5/1

Rule # 4: Don’t drink while you are eating.

BJ’s assessment: No problem with this one.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 5: Don’t eat between meals.

BJ’s assessment: I’m doing pretty good with this one, though evenings still seem to be my downfall.

Score: .5/1

Rule # 6: Eat only fresh food.

BJ’s assessment: I’m doing super good with this one…and in fact added fresh fruit back into my diet recently. YUM!

Score: 1/1

Rule # 7: Avoid extremely fibrous foods.

BJ’s assessment: I don’t have a problem with this one.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 8: Drink enough water during the day; avoid carbonated beverages.

BJ’s assessment: I am doing well with this but I think I’ve been slacking lately. I need to be a little more conscientious about this one.

Score: .5/1

Rule # 9: Only drink no-calorie or very low calorie drinks.

BJ’s assessment: No problemo!

Score: 1/1

Rule # 10: Exercise at least 30 minutes a day.

BJ’s assessment: I’m doing SOOO good with this one. I’ve even recently taken up walking my dog…which he loves, and gives me some gravy on my exercise time. :)

Score: 1/1

Total: 7.5/10

Saturday, September 3, 2011

"How does it feel to be the smallest in the group?"

Last night I went out with my girl friends to go dancing. My circle of friends are all "BBW's"...we, historically, have all been roughly the same size (22-28's all around) except for one friend who was smaller (about an 18/20 or smaller). Well when I was out with a small group of these girls last night, one friend leaned over to me and asked "how does it feel to be the smallest girl in the  group"...I laughed at the absurdity of the statement. Me? Small? Nooo...I'm just the same old Becki. "I'm not the smallest girl yet" I said to her. She looked at me like I had grown another head out of my neck. "No hun...you ARE the smallest in the group."

I don't FEEL like I'm smaller. I see the pictures, and I'm pleased with how I look and I know I'm being forced to buy smaller clothes...but I feel like I take up the same amount of space as I used to..I feel like when I stand with my group of friends that I'm just the same size as I always was...I still feel like a fat girl in a world of skinny people. In my head, nothing has changed. And then I see a picture and my head gets all screwed up.

If this is what it's like now, at only 205...what is it going to feel like at 180? Or at 160? Or at 145? Am I ever going to feel like what I see in the mirror?

I'm 11 days out from my last fill and just like clock-work, it has just started kicking in over the last day or so. Today I got up out of bed and ate a piece of cheese for breakfast. That was it...a piece of cheese. My thought process went something like this:

"Gosh I'm hungry. Well I better eat something so that I don't get ravenous later. I'm not really that hungry though...hmm...I really just need a small something to get in my system. I just need a little fuel. Food as fuel...isn't that what they always said? When did I turn into this person? When did stop being the girl that HAD to have something savory and delicious at every meal? Wait...my thoughts have wandered...what was I doing? Oh yeah...breakfast. I think I'll have a piece of cheese."

So I ate 1 oz of cheese and went about my day...not noticing the passage of time and no hunger to remind me that a meal time was approaching. That piece of cheese lasted about 3 hours as fuel in my system. HOT DOG my sweet spot is back! Oh sweet spot...how I have missed thee.

I just realized I never posted about my family bbq last weekend. Well, let me start by saying that as far as food went, I was quite pleased with how I did. I know I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than I should have (it's so good...can you blame me for not stopping?) but the rest of the meal was just right to make up for it. I had a QUARTER of a brat wrapped in bacon...no bun, just the brat....and I had 1 single meat ball. No burger and none of the other delicious food my sister made...just the dip, the 1/4 of a brat and a meat ball. Not bad. My sister and I later posed for this picture:

When I first got out of the car my sister exclaimed "Wow! You are smaller than me now!"...to which I rolled my eyes and said "yeah, sure I am"...and then I saw the picture above. Wow. My sister and I have never looked more alike...and never, EVER in my life have I ever been smaller than her. This is just too weird.

The family event was wonderful. My sister gave up a son for adoption when she had him at only 17. The boy is now 17 himself and drove up to meet all of us on this day. He has turned into an amazing young man...my sister absolutely made the right decision and placed him with an amazing family who raised him well. The best part of the day, however, was watching my sister's son fall all over himself over my dad's 17 year old Slovakian foreign exchange student. Ohhh....young love. It was so fun to watch this attraction play out right in front of all of us.

One more pic I wanted to share. I snapped this one last night and somehow ended up looking like Khloe Kardashian...which to me is awesome because I think she is beautiful. Now I'm not saying I'm the spitting image, but this picture just looked like her to me some how.

Oh and P.S...my face is now oval. My face has always, and I mean ALWAYS been ROUND...but clearly in the above pic it is apparent that my face is now an oval shape. I wish I could figure out how to put the pictures in "side by side" so you could see a comparison...but yeah...my face totally changed. You can see in the pic below how not only was my face round but also how I didn't look quite so much like my sister as I do now.

Weight wise...I'm perma-stuck above 200...my body is fighting this goal every step of the way...which I find really annoying. But it will come some day...I think. This morning I was 204...still not even at my lowest weight achieved a few weeks ago. I'm doing good things, working out, eating right...it will come, I'm just feeling a little impatient.