Thursday, December 30, 2010

Eggs and Grits!

It's pureed food time! WOHOOO!!! I'm celebrating this advancement by starting my day with scrambled eggs and grits. Delicious. Later I'm having some pureed chilli. I'm so excited!

Scale is down to 257.2 this morning...this is after re-incorporating water pills. I wish I didn't have to do that, but I guess that is the reality for my body. Everything feels fine except for the port incision. Wow...I had a pain from that last night that almost caused me to drive off the road. I hope the port is not shifting, because I swear that is what it feels like is happening when I feel that pain.

Yesterday I was hungry ALL DAY. I'm hoping that the addition of pureed foods into my diet will resolve this a little bit. This is not head hunger....this is honest to goodness, tummy rumbling hunger. I even ate a couple hundred calories worth of soup last night before bed because I couldn't stand it anymore. I still stayed under 1000 calories for the day though, so I'm ok with what I did. I can't sleep when I'm hungry like that.

We had funky "dippin dot" snow last night that froze on the roads over night, so from a commute perspective, I couldn't have picked a better time to have to stay home due to surgery. I am looking forward to returning to work though. It's always been easy for me to not obsess over food on a work day so it will be nice to have that regimented schedule again.

I'm very motivated to start working out as soon as I can. Right now I don't think I should do much due to the pain I'm feeling around the port...and I can't go walking due to the stupid hopefully this motivation will stick around long enough for me to actually start something.

Monday, December 27, 2010

I'm a mutant...I'm sure of it.

5 days post op, and I'm STILL at 261 pounds. I'm literally consuming less than 700 calories a day, and my weight is NOT coming off? WTH? LOL...I'm not freaking out, I swear...I just don't understand how it's possible. So annoying...

Hopefully I will look back on this and laugh...from somewhere in the 140's. LOL

For the record, I'm still on full liquids, which is so so so much better than clear liquids. I feel "satisfied" most of the time, but I still am looking forward to CHEWING on something soon. I'm doing the food schedule I posted the other day, consuming 1/2 cup of full liquid every couple hours with water in between. As I type this, I am 1 1/2 hours out from the last meal of tomato soup and 1/2 of a ready-to-eat cup of sugar free pudding and I feel quite comfortable. The pudding actually put me over the 1/2 cup limit, but I figured since soup is truly a "slider" food that there was pleanty of room above Frito Bandito for the pudding and I just wanted to "feel full" for a change. All this soup has just been flowing right on through.

I also took my 2 water pills this morning. I stopped taking them day of surgery and I think maybe that is why the scale is not moving. I know at some point I might not need the water pills anymore...I just don't know WHEN that will really be. I'll have to discuss that with the surgeon I guess. I didn't think I needed them because honestly my ankles look fantastic...but clearly I'm retaining water somewhere.

I feel like I've tolerated this whole process so well. The pain in my abs hasn't been that bad. I probably could have easily returned to work today but I'm glad that I still have some time for healing. It's a little disappointing that I don't have immediate restriction, but that is fine...just will make that first fill that much more "special" I guess.

Jenn is coming down today...says she is going to make me some chicken tortilla soup, minus the chicken, avocado, cheese and tortillas...LOL...I can't wait! I love the broth from the soup at Azteca...if this turns out right, the recipe will be repeated on the regular! LOL

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Never thought I would be so excited to drink water!

It's now the third day after surgery and I'm allowed to advance to "full liquids" and 8oz of water between my liquid meals.  You have no idea how happy I am to get a full 8 ounces in between meals instead of 1oz every 15 minutes.

Yesterday got harder and harder with hunger and thirst and then nausea. I'm not sure where the nausea came from...I have a few theories. 1) the ear patch is finally not working anymore, 2) my body is rebelling against the Vicodin or 3) I was so hungry by the end of the day that my stomach was twisting in defiance.

I got a good nights sleep though (stopped doing water every 15 minutes and instead opted to take a sip any time I "naturally" woke up through the night). Man...this 1oz every 15 minutes thing is incredibly destructive to normal sleep patterns. I feel like a mom waking every 2 hours to feed a newborn baby.

My abs are killing me...but I think I can safely say that I got through all the gas pain by the end of the surgery day. I don't know how I lucked out with that...but the muscular and incisional pain...boy, will be nice when that starts to go. I think I'm done with the vicodin though...the thought of drinking another dose of that and the possible nausea that will come with it is making me want to just wait out the discomfort for now. It's not THAT bad.

My first day of full liquids menu looks like this:

7:30-8:00 - 1/2 cup of protein drink (15g)
8:30-9:30 - 8oz water
10:10:30 - 1/2 cup Cranberry Mango drink (5g)
11:00-12:00 - 8oz water
12:30-1:00 - 1/2 cup protein drink (15g)
1:30-2:30 - 8oz water
3:00-3:30 - 1/2 cup Cranberry Mango Drink (5g)
4:00-5:00 - 8oz water
5:30-6:00 - 1/2 cup Cream of Chicken Soup made with milk (5g)
6:30-7:30 - 8oz water
8:00-8:30 - 1/2 cup Cream of Chicken Soup made with milk (5g)
9:00-10:00 - 8oz water

This gives me a total of 50 grams of protein, and my daily goal right now is 45-55 grams, so I think this is pretty good. I just hope I can get rid of those hunger pangs today...

Friday, December 24, 2010

Frito Bandito is in the hizzy!

Hello from the other side! Yes sir...I'm officially "banded"...though I'm not sure I would know the difference if it weren’t for the 5 new incisions and the abdominal muscular pain. Beyond that...I'm STARVING!!! 1 oz of water or jell-o every 15 minutes is not very satisfying. But I'll do whatever it takes to make sure I heal properly!

Surgery day went off without a hitch! Honestly, I couldn't have asked for better. I took the Ativan as we were taking the exit for the hospital at about 5:15. Some minor trepidation as I walked in...but I can't imagine how much worse it would have been had I not taken the med. It took some time between check in and finally transferring over to the OR table at about 8am...which by that point a flood of memories came back as they put the mask over my face. Some tears started to well up in my eyes, but within another 30 seconds, I was out.

By 9:30 I was apparently out of surgery.

I don't remember waking up...or being moved to my room. Apparently I was awake cuz Sonja said my eyes were open, but I have zero memory of it. When I did finally become more conscious, I was fully aware of the pain in my BACK between my shoulder blades. I think my first words were "I need a massage!". For most of the rest of the day this is where my pain was. I was in and out of consciousness all day, waking ever 15 minutes for Sonja to feed me my tiny 1 oz sip of water that I was allowed. Ugh...1 oz of water does NOT quench thirst. I was so grateful every time that timer went off and I could take another sip. We ordered up some broth and jell-o to be sent to the room, but the only thing I really ate was some of the Jell-O, I just wanted the water so damn bad! And a massage! LOL...Sonja rubbed my back a little and it helped sooooo much.

I walked down the hall and went to the bathroom at about 12:30. This time I cried a little again...out of sheer happiness. Getting up and walking down the hall after surgery was what I was NEVER able to accomplish back in 2002. I was so relieved to be doing it this time, it was so emotional. Besides...walking seriously helped the back pain!

By 5pm I was discharged and heading home.

I took a pillow and blanket as so many had recommended, but I don't think anyone notified the Seattle streets department. Stupid streets were so bumpy till we got on the freeway. I didn't know it was hurting me till I got home and got out of the car...then BAM! First time I felt the incisions all day. Yep...there they are. They bled through the bandages a bit from all the moving about, but I think they are ok.

I did pretty well staying ahead of the pain last night, resting in my own bed, drinking my water every 15 minutes as allowed. Alan came over and rubbed my back more and as such, I think 95% of the gas pain is now gone. My back feels fantastic! My abs, on the other feel like I did 200 crunches!

I am awake, I am alert and I am mobile. Now...I just am so excited to step through the steps to the first fill.

So nice to be on the other side. I guess NOW it is "real". :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Last pre-op day!!! I hope...

Feeling good...I think most signs of illness are gone. No fever, no sores in the back of my throat, very minor cough...I hope that will be gone by the end of the day. I think my body is a "go" for surgery.

I'm on all liquids today...protein shake for breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks of jell-o and broth to get me through. I guess this is what the next week will be like anyway.

I got on the scale this morning and was greeted with a lovely 259.8. Hot dog! I broke out of the 260's! Then I laid down for 5 minutes to revel in my triumph and got on the scale again just to see the lovely numbers one more time...and it was 260. Bitch. WTH? water consumed, nothing was different. Oh yeah...I actually took my wooly socks OFF since the first weighing, so if anything it should have been less. Can I just pretend that the real weight was 259.8? I wanted it so bad! hmph!

Today I should get "the call" with my check in time. So nervous/excited/scared/everything. I keep having flashbacks of bad memories from my last surgery at that hospital. I have to constantly remind myself that this time will be's not the's not NEARLY the same. But the memories remain. I can't wait to take that Ativan tomorrow.

I wish Sherri were here. I remember waking up in ICU late the first night after surgery with her there by my side. Sonja will be there to take care of me I'm not alone.

That reminds me of another "bad memory"...not only was walking in their doors and down their hallway to anesthesiology the last time I "walked" as an able-bodied person, but I walked that hall with James. When I woke up from surgery the first face I saw was James. James was there when they diagnosed the spinal cord injury. He came to the hospital every day to visit, even if it was just to kiss me goodnight. All the staff thought he was wonderful...and all the while he was starting his new relationship with Leah in Sydney. Ugh...this event is going to be full of bad memories.

Here's what I want. This needs to be "redemption" time for Virginia Mason. On May 20, 2002, I walked into that hospital, expecting to have a surgery that was going to change my life in all these positive ways. Instead the world crashed down around me. This is my second chance. This surgery tomorrow will be life-changing in a positive way. It will go off without a hitch. I will stand up as soon as I'm supposed to be able to, I will walk down the hall like any other person would after surgery, and I will leave the hospital tomorrow night, tired, but with this new tool in me that will help me to not only lose weight, but hopefully gain back some of the mobility that I lost in 2002. I will be treated with respect by the hospital staff, and I will not regret this decision.

It's redemption time.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Countdown is doesn't feel real

I don't think it will feel real until I wake up in recovery. I just feel constantly like something is going to throw this off track. I am the way, but I have a slight "congestive" cough that I'm worried won't be gone by Thursday. While my fever has FINALLY gone away, there is one "sore" still visible in the back of my throat that I am praying will heal quickly. I feel like either one of these things will be enough for them to pull the plug...on the surgery I mean...not on me. :)

To REALLY test my strength, today marks the first day of "Munchy Week" at the office. I swear they are trying to kill me.

I'm half way through one of three work days before surgery....I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

Saturday, December 18, 2010

So much has gone on...

It's been a busy few days! But I have so much to say. Let me start with this...

Dr. Jerk’s office called tuesday. It seems that they have received the results of my sleep study that I told them I would forward to them after he called me a liar (see first post).
Let me backtrack just for a bit here. My sleep study was done at a sleep institute. I reviewed the results with a doctor who specialized in sleep medicine. At the time, my doctors exact words were “we were surprised to find that you do not have sleep apnea, however you do move your legs 380 times per hour on average”…thus confirming my restless leg syndrome that I had self-diagnosed and was the reason I wanted the sleep test to begin with.
Obviously, since I did not have sleep apnea, there was no need for a C-PAP…therefore one was never ordered.
Now bear in mind, I had this test done during a time where it seemed like everyone I KNEW was being diagnosed with sleep apnea and all were “required” to get a C-PAP…I was starting to think it was some sort of financial boon for the C-PAP equipment industry, and I fully expected them to say I needed one as well, but was delightfully surprised to learn that it wasn’t at all necessary.
So getting back to today…the nurse calls to inform me that the results of my sleep test that I submitted from the sleep institute back then were received by the doctor.
Nurse: “Dr. Jerk has reviewed your sleep study results that you had sent to us and they indicate that you have “moderate sleep apnea”, and therefore a C-PAP will be required before Dr. Jerk will proceed with surgery”
Me: “Huh…that’s interesting. Why didn’t the sleep specialist think I had sleep apnea?”
Nurse: “I don't know, but it's clear from your results that you do, in fact, have moderate apnea. You will need to get a C-PAP before we can proceed."

Me: "Ok, well thanks for the information. Buh-bye"
According to this guy (who I clearly already have a pretty low opinion of), who does not specialize in sleep medicine...I have apnea...which is interesting, since the Doctor whose entire practice is based around sleep disturbance, didn't think that I did. I wonder which guy I will choose to believe...hmmmm...

So Yeah...that was Tuesday. By the end of Tuesday, I started feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. My throat was starting to hurt pretty bad, and I was physically exhausted. I left work an hour early. Bad time to get sick with surgery only 9 days away!!!

The next morning I felt much worse and went to a walk-in clinic for a strep test. I wanted to get antibiotics on-board quickly if I needed them. I so don't want this surgery to be cancelled again! :(

The rapid strep test came back negative. Somewhat relieved that it was "just a virus", I went home to rest and drink plenty of fluids...anything I could do to make this all go away. I stayed home from work Wednesday but returned for the first half of Thursday. I don't think that was a great idea. I felt like death by the time I got home. Swallowing anything was horribly painful. I knew all my pre-op appointments were the next day...I needed to be HEALTHY!!!

So that brings us to Friday...where I FINALLY got to meet with Dr. Hunter, my nutritionist and my anesthesiologist.

Can I just say right now...that even with all my anxiety about going back to Virginia Mason, given my horrible history with them...I think this is the right team for me. Everyone was so over-the top nice...and so thorough. Dr. Hunter remembers me from previous procedures and asked how I was doing. He noticed that I'm walking with one crutch now, remembering that I was on 2 in the past (and a walker before that). He did counsel that his suggestion would be for bypass and that lap band takes work...but he wasn't aggressive and obnoxious about it like Dr. Jerk was. I'm ready for the work...this is what I want. He also stated that lap band has a 15-20% failure rate...which oddly enough is far more in line with my own research, as opposed to the 70% failure rate Dr. Jerk was preaching. When I told him Lap Band was what I wanted, he didn't argue, he just continued on explaining risks and benefits.

The admitting nurse in anesthesiology was fabulous. I told her about my concern about vomiting after waking from anesthesia (cuz I always do) and she said no problem...we got something for that. I then told her about my extreme anxiety about even walking into that hospital. She completely understood and talked to Dr. Hunter about giving me a Valium to take before coming to the hospital. This was the one thing I felt I needed to get through this event. The thought of walking down that hallway just brings back a flood of memories and feelings. I think the valium will help...and so do they. I'm so relieved!
As I was walking out of the clinic for the day, the doctor I had seen for my throat on Wednesday called….the culture did in fact grow a bacteria. GREAT! Just what I need L…she said, however, that it is a bacteria our body usually fights on it’s own, but since I was having surgery in less than a week, they wanted to get me on antibiotics right away. In a way I was glad…my throat wasn’t feeling any better so now at least there was a treatment coming that could make a difference.
So here we are, roughly 24 hours into antibiotics. My throat is hurting less (I can swallow without agony now), but I’m still running a fever. Ugh…why? Why is this happening now? I will continue to rest through the weekend and keep my fingers crossed for Thursday!

I'm headed back to bed...hopefully next time I write, it will be about how fantastic I'm feeling!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Day 4 Pre-Op diet...I'm hungry :(

Today I'm struggling with hunger...already. I started the A.M. with a protein shake at 7:15am, it is now 10:15 and I'm really hungry! I didn't think I was gonna make it to lunch so I ate a 1/2 serving of roasted almonds...hopefully that and some water will get me through the next 2.5 hours.

I also survived the weekend. The scale was down to 263.4 this morning on my first try...subsequent tries put it more at the 264 that's what I'm calling it. I hope to get into the 250's before surgery. I know a lot of people lose quite a bit on their pre-op diet, but I've been dieting since August...there will be no "whoosh" of a loss for me. I'm much happier on this surgeons "low carb" pre-op plan than the Medifast stuff though. I'll still use my Medifast stuff post-op since it's mostly liquid and choc-full-o protein. I think that will help me get through bandster hell...that's my plan anyway. When I was doing Medifast full-force, I found foods that I don't mind the taste of, but oy...the soy! All that soy can't be healthy for a girl. I'm sure it caused a variety of problems...from extra long cycles to hair loss. I just don't think that much soy is happy to be reducing that now.

Last night as I was eating my evening meal of low-carb taco salad, I was really cognizant of the SIZE of it...this is part of why I fail on low carb diets. I got the low carb part down pat...but the portion sizes were just not helping to keep my calories LOW. All I kept thinking while eating that delicious salad was "once you have the band, you won't be able to eat even a quarter of this"...I'm very excited for that restrictive opportunity.

The other reason I fail on diets is because I have this thing in my brain that causes me to want something "off plan"...and then once I give in to having that something, it leads to an all out binge for days...where I am constantly telling myself "better have some of this now, cuz I'm dieting again tomorrow and will never be able to have it again"...and then usually tomorrow get's pushed to next week or next month and before you know it, BAM...regained all weight I might have already lost.

I'm hoping that with the band I no longer feel the "you'll never be able to have it again" feeling and will be able to eat just a little of this and a smidge of that without having it throw me completely off track as it has in the past. I think this is a realistic way to consider using the band as a tool. I know I'm good at dieting...when I stick. I need help sticking after I indulge just a little...this is where I fall apart. I already know I can be content on low carb foods...but I want the option to have a small piece of cake with the office staff celebrating a party without it leading me down the path of going back for seconds, then buying a bag of chips and saying "screw it" and making a full spaghetti dinner.

I really think this is the right tool for the job.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Day 1 Pre-Op diet

Scale firmly planted at 267 this morning. Up 2 from last week...but I think it's the carbs from switching back to Medifast after 2 weeks on <20 grams of carb per day for Dr. Jerk, to be honest. This pre-op diet is much lower carb than medifast...maybe I should just stay off the scale of the next two weeks. Hmmm....betcha I can't do it.

Today I did the vanilla whey shake for breakfast at 7am, which actually held me quite well till about 11:30, when I was suddenly starving. I had "Happy Salad" from the Teriyaki place for lunch, which I just have to "guess" about how many calories/carbs in that....I'm guessing high cuz the dressing is sweet. Dinner will be a chocolate shake.

Oy...I gotta find a way to keep this interesting for two weeks.

I'm contemplating my scale habit post surgery. Right now I weigh daily...nekky, pre-breakfast, post-potty weight. I'm thinking perhaps I should hide the scale after surgery for the first 8 weeks? I need to think on this more. My thinking is maybe if I get into "bandster hell", as I've seen so many people call it...maybe I just don't want to know. There is of course the post-surgical water weight that will last a few days...and then the possible gain from adding carbs back in during the mushy phase...and then that few weeks with no restriction. Maybe it would just be best to wait and see what the scale at the surgeon's office says when I go for my first checkup. Yet again...something for me to ponder....

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

So scared to tell a soul!

Pst....the surgery date is scheduled. December 23rd...

I'm horrified to tell anyone...though I've told my closest friends. Last time I started blabbing about a surgery date the whole thing got cancelled. I feel like I will jinx it if I talk.

This has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. It all started back in May of this year when I went through the initial web questionnaire required by my insurance company. It asked 5 you have diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or high lipids. My answer to ALL those questions was "No"...because it is for the most part true. I am one healthy fat girl! Insurance denied my request to go on to the next step.

But I need help with this weight loss thing. My disability makes it hard for me to exercise in a way that elevates my heart rate, making it almost impossible to burn any calories. I do well on some diets, but usually end up either hungry (i.e., Weight Watchers), or going crazy off plan (i.e., Atkins) and ultimately gain all my lost weight back. Clearly I can't do this on my own...I've been trying for 26 years.

So I sent all this information to the Obesity Law and Advocacy Center to ask for their help in getting my insurance to approve me for Lap Band surgery. After several weeks I finally heard back from them and coordinated a plan. I gathered all my own medical records and sent everything to them in July. In August they submitted my first appeal to the insurance. It was denied in mid-September.

The second level appeal was sent in late September. I received a rather "snide" approval letter from the insurance company on October 19th. It stated that my medical records indicated that I "obviously had high blood pressure and would have been approved the first time if the question had been answered correctly". My blood pressure is 116/70...but I'm not going to argue with them. I was FINALLY APPROVED for the next step.

So from that point things SEEMED to go into warp speed. Step two was to lose 5% of verified start weight before being referred to a surgeon. Piece of cake...I accomplished that quickly. I was referred to the surgeon of my limited choice.

From the 5 options I was given, I had selected a surgeon whose office is close to my office so that follow up appointments would not require a half-day off of work each time. I was told my insurance would not be covering this surgeon in 2011, but was assured repeatedly by the surgeon’s office that I could have the surgery done by year end and opted to self-pay for the fills going forward out of pocket to avoid taking time off work and dealing with the long distance travel. Everything was set to go. I met with the surgeon on November 18th, surgery was scheduled for November 29th. I went in for Pre-Op on November 22nd....smooth sailing.

And then I got the call on November 23rd. Surgery had been CANCELLED.

The hospital that my insurance would allow to do the surgery was opting to not renew its "Center of Excellence" designation and would therefore not be covered by my insurance, effective immediately. My surgeon did not have surgical rights at another hospital that my insurance would cover. So it was done. Over. Nothing more they could do.

I cried all day.

I made some calls to other offices. I could get in to see a surgeon 1 hour north of my house (but 2 hours north of my job) on November 29th or I could see Dr. Hunter in Federal Way (15 minutes north of my house) on December 21. I booked both but was fairly certain I didn't want to go with Dr. Hunter.

Unfortunately, Dr. Hunter...who is by all means the nicest guy on the planet, performs surgery out of a hospital where I had surgery in 2002 that left me partially paralyzed. Not a good experience. Not only was the outcome of the surgery bad, but while I was an "obese" inpatient at their facility for 5 weeks, I was treated an "inconvenience" and a "hazard" due to my weight. While I was in rehab I was not allowed to transfer to a wheelchair to visit the recreation room because they didn't want to deal with the risk of transferring my 300 pound body from bed to wheelchair more often than required for physical therapy visits. I had nurses complain about the possibility of hurting their back right in front of me when they gathered to assist in changing my position as I could not do it for myself due to my paralysis. There were at least 2 nurses that I had to specifically request be re-assigned off my case because the way they treated me was so insensitive. No...the thought of having surgery there was simply terrifying.

On November 29th I took a half day off of work and drove the 2 hours north to visit the surgeon I thought I would end up going with. Boy was I wrong.

This man was just the epitome of a “jerk”. I disliked him immediately. He would ask me questions and then motion with his hands to speak faster…and I’m NOT a slow talker. He would cut me off mid sentence, minimize my concerns regarding bypass surgery, and arrogantly proclaim that I should be smarter in my reasoning since I’m a “data analyst” by profession (which, by the way, I gave a sound “analytical response” to his question to begin with!). He insisted that I would fail with Lap Band due to my disability (I walk with a crutch now, am no longer wheelchair bound). He said that 70% of lap band patients fail and that bypass was the only option for me.

I don’t want bypass. I have been researching what I want for 5 years…I know exactly what I want, why I want it, how to use it and how to be successful with it.

He handed me a list of additional tests that would still be needed (even though my insurance had already approved me for surgery), and called me a liar when I said I didn’t have sleep apnea. He said it was simply not possible that someone my size didn’t have it. I had a sleep study done in 2006…I promised to have the results forwarded to him to prove that I was not a liar.

I cried the whole way home.

All I kept thinking was “how can I possibly deal with this guy for the rest of my life”. I did not feel as though I could be successful with him as my surgeon. If I did opt for Lap Band, would he always say “I told you so” when I wasn’t losing weight as fast as a bypass patient? Was I making the wrong choice by opting for Lap Band to begin with? I was actually ready to give up on the whole thing. 

When I got home I talked to a friend and after rationalizing a few things, I decided the next day to start down Dr. Jerk’s path of extra testing while seeing if I could get in to see Dr. Hunter any earlier than December 21st. My new thought was that the few minutes of terror I would have to endure walking down the same hall I walked down for the last time as an able bodied person was better than having to deal with that other guy on a regular basis for the rest of my life.

I talked to Dr. Hunter’s office finally two days later. Since I was already approved for surgery, and my primary care physician and most of my medical history already exists within the same facility, they said it would be no problem to get me on the books without going through all the usual hoops. Instead of seeing Dr. Hunter’s assistant on December 21st, I’ve now been booked for surgery on December 23rd and will see Dr. Hunter himself on December 17th for pre-op. I will also visit with their nutritionist (I’m already on their pre-op program) and meet with anesthesiology that day.

I’m still immensely freaked out about walking down that hallway. I will discuss this anxiety with Dr. Hunter. I wish I could be knocked out before even getting TO the hospital…but I don’t think that’s an option. Oh well.

For now, I’m just trying to stick to pre-op diet and lose some more weight. I’m down 21 lbs from my “verified initial weight” and 30 lbs from my most recent “high weight”…not sure which one to use to gauge my progress going forward. Or maybe I should use my surgery “start weight”….decisions, decisions, decisions…