Thursday, October 31, 2013

A Scary Story for Halloween

Imagine there is this major company, who in addition to selling awesome seasonal items, housewares and tools, also sells a lot of yummy food, often in large packages, but sometimes just a family portion in their fresh foods area, all for very reasonable prices. Imagine that you LOVE this company and most of their yummy food products so much that your friends don't even bother asking where you get anything anymore, because they know the answer.

And then imagine that you accept a job with said company's home office...and said office has a cafeteria. And said cafeteria serves pretty much all the food they sell in their stores...at cost.

...and the employees of said company put out bowls of delicious candy bought from that same store on their desks...

And then imagine that the new commute sucks (additional 2 hours in the car each day, for a total of 3 to 3.5 hours), and you can't move any time soon. And imagine that your husband who unexpectedly lost his job in December is struggling to find gainful employment. And then your dad (who lives 90 miles away) is diagnosed with late stage terminal cancer. 

This has been my life since March 12th...the last time I posted a blog. 

I have gained weight. I have gained a lot of weight. Monday I was at 199.6 lbs.

I have stress-eaten my way to oblivion, which is very easy to do when the yummy food is constantly available for almost nothing. I have stopped exercising because my new routine allotted only 30 minutes between arriving home from work and having to go to bed on weekdays. On weekends I was driving to my dad's house, eating fast food most of the time, and of course not exercising. I pretty much opted out of all forms of actual MOVEMENT. 

My father passed away on September 13th. I managed (with LOTS of help) to get his house cleaned out and up for sale by October 15. Now I need to focus on me...I'm trying to get my life back now. My body feels horrible. I'm eating horrible. I've been treating myself horrible.

Boo. That is my scary Halloween story. A story about how the band will not save you from yourself.

I feel ashamed.

I'm here to start over. I'm here to fix this.
  • I rehired the personal trainer. I've worked out 3 days a week for the last 2 weeks. I will build it back up to six days a week with time. I've had to forgo van-pooling  on Tuesdays and Thursdays to make this work for now. 
  • Starting next Monday I have new commute hours that SHOULD give me an extra 2 hours (this is the current working theory) every night to make the exercise thing more palatable. I might ACTUALLY get to see my husband for a few minutes each day, too...which would be nice.
  • Yes, the company cafeteria does sell healthy options. I just have a bad habit of not PICKING the healthy options. I need to stop that. Or I need to avoid the cafeteria. It can be done.
  • My husband is working again. He makes $16k less than he did at his previous job, but he is happy (he temporarily took another position where he was VERY unhappy. The stories I've heard...oy...that place is high on the list of candidates for a serious workplace violence incident. The people there are shockingly miserable and their behavior is unbelievable). We are getting by...but we can't move for now. I want to....believe me, I want to.
  • I need to utilize my blog again (starting with this post). I stopped reading all the bandster blogs because I felt like such a failure. I need to get out of that mindset and get BACK into reading all the blogs I used to read. This used to be my "support group" of sorts.
  • Oddly enough, I do NOT need a fill. I'm pretty full. I just don't treat it right. I need to listen to my band. I've been eating when I'm not hungry, eating foods that make me stuck, continuing to eat when I'm satisfied just because I want more food, and eating foods that go down easy...and sugar...lots of sugar. All this needs to stop. It's ridiculous. Why did I get the band if I'm not going to use it right?
  • I need a session of power cooking. My old diet worked for me. And that diet included having correct portions of good food available to me in my freezer. I need a day to get that lined up again.

One Day at A Time:

Today, I had a shake for breakfast (still pretty tight in the mornings), chili for lunch with 90 calories of sliced apples. I'm satisfied. Now...to avoid all the Halloween candy in the office.

I drove myself in to work today and will be leaving at 3pm to get home to work out with the trainer tonight.


Hello Bandsters. Can I come back?

2 comments:

  1. good job getting back on track. Just checking in to the blogs is the hardest part. YOU CAN DO THIS!

    ReplyDelete